The Ultimate Crossover Battle
by D-man 523
Summary: Your favorite characters from the media universe battle- TO THE DEATH! NFinally new chapter;new, new host!
1. Mr T vs Sonic, Naruto vs Harry Potter

The TUXB is set in a volcano, and there's one platform for fighting and one for talking and Michael. It begins:

Michael Scott: Welcome to the Ultimate X-over Battle, ot TUXB.

Mr. T: Who's dis foo?

Spongebob: That's the host/commentator of the Ultimate X-over Battle, Michael Scott. (whispers) Isn't he hot!

Mr. T: Uh... Sure, spongey dude.

Sonic(speeds intothe room and knocks over Mr. T)

Mr. T: Watch where you goin, foo!

Sonic: Whateva! Like, OMG!

Michael: Oh, and so begins the first battle! Sonic vs. Mr. T! Like, WOW!

Sonic: Oh no he didn't!(smacks Mr. T)  
Mr. T:(twists Sonic's head around, throwsit in the air, and dropkicks it) I have no pity for da foo!

Michael: Like, WOW!

Mr. T: Don't make me come over there!

Michael: God... Well, alright.

Naruto: I BELIEVE!(dramatically jumps into the room) Waitaminute... BELIEVE IT!

Spongebob: He's hot too.

Sonic's head: LOL, shut up!

Michael: Enter new contestant, dramatic drumroll, Harry Potter! Like, WOW!

Harry: Duh... Hi.

Naruto: What's wrong with you?

Harry: Uh... (laughs stupidly)  
Michael: He got part of his brain torn out by Voldee. Anyways, next battle: Naruto vs. Harry Potter! YEAH!

Harry Pot head: Duh huh huh! Eksthpectow patwonun!

Michael: Like, WOW! ONE, that wasn't the right spell, and TWO, you didn'tsay it right! Cause you got only half a brain! Dumbass!

Naruto: BELIEVE IT!(smacks Harry Potter)

Harry: Wah!!! Duh wah!!!  
Naruto: SEXY JUTSU!(beautiful women appear) Just chillin with my skanks, homie.

Spongebob: Duh...

Harry: Like, duh! Der da der, wah duh...

Michael: Wierd. Harry Potter and Spongebob have an idiot language that they communicate with.

Harry:(suddenly sticks his wand into Naruto's brain) Duh huh, I win!

Naruto:(dead)

Michael: Like, WOW! We are two maches in, people! Thus ends the first set of battles! Like, WOW!


	2. Trek Wars

Srry da 1st chptr was shrt. njoy, r & r!

* * *

Michael: Like, WOW! Today we're going to do 2 MORE battles! First, let's introduce some new characters:

**Eragon, Link, Zelda, Ganondorf, Pacman, Bowser, Frodo, Yoda, Luke Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker(Darth Vader), Princess Leia, James Bond, Poppeye, Ren & Stimpy, Bart Simpson, Dwight, Spock, Kirk, Uhura, Superman, Batman, Frosty the Snowman**

Yoda: This stupid, it is.

Michael: Pshaw, don't e a party pooper!

Yoda: Watever, say's I.

Bowser: That guy's a dork! And he talks like an idiot!  
Yoda: Fatass, is you.

Bowser: Huh?!  
Harry Potter(to Stimpy): Bla bla bla bla, duh der dee!

Stimpy: Dur duh dee, bla bla-dur.

Anakin(to Dwight): Dwight- I am your father!

Luke: But I thought you were _my _father!

Anakin: I've been witha lot of chicks. (clip of him making out with Uhura)

Uhura: I don't want that shown!

Luke: Meow...

Michael: Alright, let's begin Trek Wars battle no. 1! Spock vs. Yoda!

Spock: I shall defeat you, indeed.

Yoda: Very pale, you are. Kick your ass I must.(kicks Spock's ass)

Spock: WTF?! Don't make me Vulcan nerve pinch your ass!(Vulcan nerve pinches Yoda's ass)

Michael: Enough ass fighting!

Spock: Fine...(suddenly kicks Yoda off the fighting platforminto lava)

Yoda: Not fat if I was, me not die!(melts)

Michael: Yes! Now, on to Trek Wars battle no. 2: Luke vs. Kirk!

Kirk: I'm gonna so-(Luke pushes him into the lava with the force) I'm melting!If only I didn't suck!

Luke: YAY ME! THE FORCE RULES!

Michael: Like, WOW! You know what, we need another battle: Trek Wars no. 3, Leia vs. Uhura! Cat fight! Ladies, strip down!

Leia/Uhura:(stab Michael in the crotch) Yes!  
Michael: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH! MY CROTCH!

Leia: Yeah, that's right byotch.

Mr. T: Oh crap!! Now _that's _a foo I pity!

Spongebob: You know, I think that fighting is wrong.

Mr. T: You know, you're right spongey dude. Violence has long been celebrated long throughout time, from gladiator times onto now. We need to break out of our vicarious lives, and _feel _the pain of others. When we see a man being beatan on TV, we shouldn't think 'Wow, how exiting', we should think 'Wow, I should getoutand try to prevent things like thatfrom happening'. Violence is simply anexcuse to get a rush, but get it from somewhere else! Spongey dude, you made a great point.

Spongebob: O-kay.....

Aang(Avatar the Last Airbender): So who wins?

Michael: You know what? You're not famous enough. You must die.(uses powers to make Aang explode)

Eragon: So who wins?

Michael: Nobody wins!(makes Leia & Uhura explode)

Anakin: Hey, why didn't I get to fight?

Michael: You can fight Frosty or somehing. I don't know.(sighs)

Anakin: Ok.(cuts Frosty in half)

Frosty: That's not nice!

Michael: Ok, you shut up too.(makes frosty's head explode) Ok, ok. That's it.


	3. Star Wars: Celebrity Battle

Spongebob(to Michael): You're hot.

Michael: Bug off!

Mr. T: Quit bein' all gay, spongey dude. You're gayin' up my straight.

Spongebob: What?!

Michael: Oh, bthzthbzthzthbzbz... Wow. Ok, battle time. First, we're going to do-

Chuck Norris:(crashes in through the window) Ow! My foot... Look...(shows every one a small cut on his foot)

Michael: Ok, actually, we're going to do Mr. T vs. Chuck Norris! Yeah!

Cock Norris: Wah! He's so big & strong!

Mr. T: I forgot that you're only coo n your movies.(punches Norris with brass knuckles)

Norris: WAAAH! That's not nice! OBEY LORD CHENEY!

Mr. T: What the hell?(kncks him off)

Norris: WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Michael: That was weird. Anyways, this is Star Wars! Stars will fight to the DEATH! Now announcing Star Wars battle no. 2, Britney Spears vs. Murdoc Niccals!

Murdoc: Ah, ey mate, need to ge kinda drunken up first. Ya know, sme whiskey.

Michel: No whiskey for you!  
Britney:(suddenly kicks the oor open and shoots Murdoc with a mcachine gun)

Murdoc: Oh, go on, go on. Ya know, I'm the most famous english cartoon character that plays in a four piece band composing of a fattass druggie, a nitwit twit, and a 10 year old japanese girl! Unless you cunt Madonna! Man, I'm drunk!(dies)

Britney: Yeah, biotch!

Michael: Uh... O-kay... That's all for now.

Harry Potter(to Britney): Dud dur dee, duh duh duh doo!

Britney: Dee dee doo duh, dur.


	4. Battle of Yellows, The Battle of Fate

Britney Spears: What up, BYOTCH?!

Mr. T: Why don't you shut up?!

Michael: OK, new battle: The Yellows.

Mr. T: Why don't _you _shut up?!

Michael: Pac-man vs. Spongebob! Come on guys, fight to the death!

Spongebob: Hey Pacy, remember that speach mr. T gave about violence?

Pac-man: Screw you!(eats balls. Ha ha, he eats balls!)  
Spongebob: Why must we live in such a violent society? I believe that-

Pac-man:(loads cannon with nuclear missile)

Spongebob: Whatcha doin there, buddy?

Pac-man: Uh, nothin.(glues spikes to nuclear missile)

Spongebob: Are you sure?

Pac-man: Yeah.

Spongebob: Are you sure you're sure?

Pac-man: Uh-huh.

Spongebob: Are you sure you're sure you're sure?  
Pac-man: YES!(shoots missile at Spongebob)  
Spongebob:(the missile bounses off his spongey body and pac-man explodes)

Michael: Like, WOW! Pac-man eats balls! Ha!

Zelda: There are children present!

Michael: Like who?!

Zelda: My son, Charlie Brown! The 10 and balding son of a master swordsman and a master pansy!

Michael:...

Charlie: hi.

Michael: Anyways, next battle: The Battle of Fate! You all knew that someday, this ultimate battle would come. One video game star vs. another video game star. It's Link vs. Mario!

Mario: Hi, I'm a fat plumber, but somehow I've defeated a giant, green, spiked monster several hundred times, and my girlfriend is a model from, heaven! It's good to be me!

Michael: Yeah, yeah, great. Now, let the battle begin!

Mario:(sits on couch and eats potato chips)

Link: Since when was that there?! Oh well.(slices Mario's head off)

Dylin: Hey! Alert, alert, alert! PM me with any character or battle suggestions! Yes, Wolverine is coming!(plays "American Badass) by Kid Rock) American Badass! Wait, where was I?

Michael: Ok, ok, that's great, now leave. Anyways, Oloha, or see you next time!  
Eragon: It's Ciao.

Michael: Whatever!


	5. 3 Battles!

Spongebob: YEAH! WOO! OH YEAH!

Michael: OK, spongy ass weirdo, time for your next battle: Battle of Yellows 2! Spongebob vs. Homer!

Spongebob: OH YEAH! THIS SPONGE IS ON A ROLL!

Homer: WOO-HOO!

Spongebob: We have similar brains. YEAH!

Homer: Man, I need some beer. Gimme a duff, would ya?

Michael: No beer for you!

Homer: D'OH! I can't do anything without beer! Waitaminute, Mayo will save me!(drinks Mayonaisse like Poppeye and gets stronger" WOO-HOO!

Spongebob: Now that I've embraced violence, it doesn't seem so bad!(punches Homer in the eye)

Homer: D'OH!(punches spongebob, but his fist comes back and punches him) Double D'OH!

Spongebob:(rips off Homer's head and eats it with mayonaisse) WOO! I'm a killer, I'm a killer,(repeats several thousand times)

Zelda: DIE!(zaps Spongebob and he explodes) Mwah ha ha ha...  
Link: Oh Zelda, I love you!

Charlie Brown: Shut up!

Michael: OK, that's two battles, our usual number! Like, WOW!(Wolverine bursts into the room)

Wolverine: HA! C'mon, is anyone gonna take me on?

Superman/Batman:(raise hands)

Wolverine: You're goin DOWN!(shows how awesome he is by clawing Superman/Batman's eyes out)

Batman: I always thought I'd die drinking a cocktail with Cocaine in it! NOOOO!!!(dies)

Superman: I'm the gayest superhero ever!(dies)

Michael: And Wolverine is the WINNER! Like, WOW! OK, see ya next time with the "What Ever the Frik I Want!" battle!

Wolverine:(claws your eyes out)


	6. Da Shitty Book Battle, Brit vs Wolverine

Michael: TUXB episode 5! We are now the longest running show on NBC!

Eragon: When am I going to battle someone?!  
Micheal: Right now, I guess. 3-way battle: Eragon vs. Harry Potter vs. Edward Cullen! WHOO!

Edward: Duh.. I LURVS Bella... In fact, I love her enough to make a whole crappy book series about it!  
Michel:(whispers in his ear)

Edward: Some crack head already did? Whatever.

Michael: Any ways, today's battle is called The Shitty Book Series battle.

Boudelaire Orphans: Hey! You can't leave us out!  
Lemony Snicket: Indubitably! Oh, and I'm not not evil! Ha! Cryptic, huh!  
Michael: Whoa... You just blew my mind.

Mr. T: Idiots...

Britney: Yzeah, bitches! Suck on this!

Avatar:(walks into room and is shot by Britney)

Michael: Alright, the Boudelaire orphans can join. But what the hell is up with you, L-Meister?! You're not even a part of the story! You're real!

Lemony: Britney is real!

Michael: You're right! Wolverine- would you do the honors?

Wolverine: Excellent...(Runs at Britney and slices her open, revealing she is merely a robot)  
Britney: You'll never catch me, fuckers!(jumps at Wolverine)

Michael: OK, first it's Wolverine vs. Britney Spears.

Wolverine:(Lunges at Brit's head)

Brit: Fuck off!(swipes him away, revealing her super robot hand)  
Wolverine: NOOO!!!

Brit:(shoots laser beams from eyes, disintegrating Wolverine)

Michael: Like, WOW!

Brit: Son of a bitch don't say that again FUCK YOU!(slices out Michael's ribs out and shits on them)

Michael:Ooh, that just brought up the rating to M!(dies)

Brit: _I'm_ the host now, bitches!

Everyone:(cringes and nods)

Brit: Eregon, Harry, and Edward- FIGHT EACH OTHER, YOU FUCKERS!!!

Eregon: You're goin down! Oh Brom, why did you die! WHY!!?

Harry & Edward:(look at each other & nod)

Edward: We're gonna like, pound him!(dismembers himself)  
Harry: Ha ha!

Eregon: That elf girl... I THOUGHT WE WERE MORE THAN FRIENDS!!!

Harry:(pushes him off the edge) I win!

Brit: HELL YEAH! You wanna come to my trailer?

Harry: Duh.. Fo rizzos!


	7. Classic Cartoon Battles

Brit: And now time for... THE ! GET IT ON!!! Stimpy vs.--  
Stimpy: Hey! Are yous callin' Me stupid?!  
Brit: No, idiot!(Stimpy pulls out her eye sockets and shoves them up her ass)  
Stimpy: That'll show her. First battle is one I've wanted to do for a long time: The Classic Cartoon Battle! First part: Charlie Brown vs. Snoopy!  
Snoopy: Arf!  
Charlie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH who's a good boy? You are! Oh yes you are!  
Snoopy:(Rips his face off) Arf, arf!  
Stimpy: Next battle: Bart vs. Lisa! Go get 'em!  
Bart: Cowabungholio!  
Lisa: Dumbass.(Uses science to explode Bart) Woohoo!  
Stimpy: Yes, woohoo... Final battle: Me vs. Ren, motherfuckers!

Ren: What?! No! That can't be!  
Stimpy: It's time to settle this: once & for all!(Runs at Ren, but he deflects it with a newspaper)

Ren: How do ya like that, eh?!  
Stimpy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!(Charges Ren into the lava) Ha, ha! Ho-rays!


End file.
